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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26252695">Always By Her Side</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyric_Hartwell/pseuds/Lyric_Hartwell'>Lyric_Hartwell</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>In Her Shade [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Blaseball (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Boston Flowers, F/F, Fluff, Funeral, Incineration, Memorial Bat Forest, Sadstuck, The Garden, memorial</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:13:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,657</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26252695</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyric_Hartwell/pseuds/Lyric_Hartwell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Beck Whitney's place has always been as the Captain and Coach of the Boston Flowers. But after Matheo's incineration, after she failed to protect him, how can she still step up to bat and lead this team?</p><p>Caligula Lotus worries her girlfriend is taking on the weight of the world. She struggles to find a way to show her she doesn't have to carry that weight alone.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Caligula Lotus/Beck Whitney</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>In Her Shade [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1907278</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>No Single Flower Wilted</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Always By Her Side</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Blaseball is the thing that makes the most sense to Beck Whitney. Not the only thing that makes sense to her, but certainly her time playing is the time when she feels most herself. A lot of what she does outside of the team feels as if it takes a sort of mental strain to overcome. Finding time for herself to read a book, go on a walk or out to dinner, anything that people say is supposed to be relaxing? It takes so much effort building up to it and then when she does she just feels out of place. The extended siesta was categorically miserable. Just a lot of empty space stewing in her own bad vibes. There was time to organize practice or go hangout by the swan boats with Cali, but she just couldn’t wait until the next season started. Not having to worry about what to do each day would be a blessing. But what was her blessing, has been the rest of the team’s curse. And she can’t help but feel guilty about it.</p><p>The losing streak was bad, but nothing really all that unexpected. At the very least she was where she felt like she belonged. Up to bat, stealing bases, sitting next to Cali in the dugout. It was a pattern that felt safe. Far fewer solar eclipses than usual, and that was a tradeoff she was more than willing to take. It meant she’d have to be more careful with her umbrella, but also meant that everyone was safe.</p><p>Then that damn microphone started acting up. She’d heard about it from other teams at first. A screech of feedback from the mic, a wave of static and distortion, and suddenly a friend was now a rival. There was some mumbling amongst the fans that made her fangs itch, how it would be good if the Flowers got hit with some static. Yes, some of their players weren’t the best in the league, but they were family. She promised herself she’d protect the team from any feedback. But as much as Beck tried to take responsibility for everything involving her family, some things lay in the realm of the gods.</p><p>When the feedback hit, she tried not to let it weigh her down too much. “Spread far and wide!” Everyone shouted that at Vito’s going away party after the game. At the very least he seemed eager to explore a new city. Cities. He and Jacob had a bit of a debate over if the rules regarding cars on the field in blaseball were different in Los Angeli. They eventually settled on the fact that it might be possible for one of the cities. Something for him to look forward to, Beck told herself. And it was an opportunity to make new friends! Or, reacquaint old ones, she thought to herself as Moses and Ace recognized each other after the game.</p><p>The same process repeated after Hotbox left. It seemed like it would find a place with the Shoe Thieves, and they’d always been good rivals. Having the Grand Unslammer themself on the team was… a little intimidating at first, but Beck prided herself on her ability to make friends with anyone.</p><p>But no matter how much of the brightside she could find, it still hurt to lose friends. Sure, she’d see them again at games, but there’d always be a level of distance. And then what happened next truly solidified the curse.</p><p>Beck had already seen a lot of loss in the previous seasons. But somehow it was different this time. Maybe because this was the first time she experienced that loss so directly with someone else, resting her head on Cali’s shoulder, trying to find comfort already after dealing with having to say a less permanent but still present goodbye to Vito and Hotbox just before it happened. Or maybe it was the whispering of fans over how news players were almost always gonna be a good thing given how bad the team was. Or maybe especially because she knew how dangerous blaseball could be, but had been looking forward to it so much her dormant heart ached with how much she needed it to function properly, even though it almost certainly meant saying goodbye to the people she cared about.</p><p>Whatever the reason, Matheo’s incineration hit harder than she could have expected. Between the siesta and feedback edging out the solar eclipses, she’d allowed herself to feel safe, and just let herself be happy when blaseball returned. And that was a mistake.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>There were so many things Cali enjoyed that she wished she could get Beck to open up to. Some of those things she’d accepted were impossible, such as sitting in the sun to soak up its warm rays and photosynthesize light into glucose, which Beck explained to her couldn’t happen for multiple reasons. But some of those other activities, such as being able to nap on the shore of the pond and gaze up at the canopy, were within reach for Beck, despite how small her reach was due to being really short. Cali thought they’d been making good progress on being able to enjoy that activity together. It had kind of become their “thing” since Cali first showed Beck the corner of the field that the pond would occasionally manifest in. But ever since the season started, Beck’s been a lot more tense during the short breaks they could sneak away as together time.</p><p>Right now, the small vampire is curled in on herself, clutching her knees close to her body, eyes staring forward and blank. Cali wants to ask what’s wrong. She reaches a hand onto Beck’s shoulder, and grows a few pink petals to tickle her. A sign to ask if she’s okay.</p><p>Beck laughs softly, then looks up to meet Cali’s eyes. “Yeah, I’m fine, babe. Just, got a lot on my mind, y’know? In fact... shoot!” She retrieves her phone from her pocket to check the time. “Augh! Oh heck I can’t believe I forgot, I’m supposed to be putting together the memorial for Matheo later tonight at the bat forest!”</p><p>Beck was also the one who organized the going away party for Vito, and the one for Hotbox. She also threw welcoming parties for Moses and Morrow. Cali is pretty sure doing so doesn’t fall under the responsibility of the coach, especially when the coach is also the team captain and one of the star players, and surely already has a lot on her plate.</p><p>Cali wants to ask Beck if someone else can’t do it. If it’s an event that really even needs a dedicated person to be there to organize it, given how much more used to incinerations the Flowers are than most teams. More than anything, Cali wants to ask her to just stay. But as Beck stands up and gets ready to leave, the only thing Cali finds herself doing is hugging her girlfriend.</p><p>Beck kisses one of her petals as she pulls back from the hug after a moment. “I’m sorry, I know the pond showing up isn’t the most reliable thing, but I just, really have to go. This is important and, well… You know. I have to do this.”</p><p>Cali could speak up about what she really thinks of this situation. That Beck is throwing herself into work as a way to grieve because throwing herself into work is her answer for far too many things. But being too direct with things like that makes her nervous. Instead, she just nods.</p><p>Beck gives a small smile. “I’m gonna mostly be over in my office figuring out what we’re going to plant since, I guess Gloria has the Weird Flex now? Oh shoot, I also just realized we should put together some kind of welcome party for Gloria! Actually, wait, no, would that be weird? I mean, technically xe’s been around for a while just not, well, able to talk and stuff. Do you think xe’d want to do a party, since xe’s able to talk now? It’s not the same as meeting everyone for the first time, but being able to talk to everyone for the first time warrants some kind of event, right?” Beck doesn’t give Cali time for a response. “I’ll just throw together some plans just in case. Anyway, I know it’s not the same as all of me being here, but I’m gonna stay as one of my bats, to keep you company. And I promise we’ll find time to do this again between games soon.”</p><p>Beck tiptoes up to kiss one of Cali’s petals again before dissipating into a cloud of mist and bats. As the bulk of the swarm skitters away under the thick, currently jungle canopy, one little one stays behind, perching on the shoulder of the tall plant girl not reserved for Fern.</p><p>The small Bat-Beck cuddles up to Cali, offering sweet little chirrups. It’s cute, how even with so much else going on, Beck still wants to take care of Cali in whatever way she can. But at the same time, thinking of it that way makes Cali uneasy. She doesn’t want to be another responsibility of Beck’s.</p><p>Cali can feel the ripples in the pond becoming harsher. A shift in spacetime is coming. She rustles her petals to call to Fern, who hops off the swan’s back and swims to the shore, onto Cali’s open palm, and then up onto her other shoulder. Both shoulders now occupied by small friends, she waves goodbye to the swans as the ripples in the water merge with the ripples in reality, the field washing over the pond and replacing it.</p><p>Turning to walk back across the diamond, Caligula finds the jungle that the swarm of Bat-Becks had flown through just moments ago now replaced with a pastel meadow. Flowers of all colors and shapes swaying in the breeze, a beautiful prismatic floral dance. Cali wishes that Beck had stayed just a few moments longer until the shift so they could have taken in this sight together. Fully together. While Bat-Beck is small and soft and adorable(traits shared with the fully manifested vampire Beck), Cali’s found that Beck’s memory while in bat-form isn’t the most reliable. Among other things.</p><p>Namely, impulse control, Cali thinks to herself as Bat-Beck begins swooping around Cali’s head. It doesn’t take her long to figure out why. Bees tend to find themselves drawn to Cali, and a number of bumblebees manifested into the field along with the flowers. They swiftly bumble on over to circle Cali, and little BB isn’t so fond of the company.</p><p>Cali’s petals rustle in alarm as she sees BB catch one of the bees in her mouth. Hearing the distressed rustling, BB spits the bee out and lands back on Cali’s shoulder. Her petals calming down, Cali catches sight of BB looking somewhat disappointed.</p><p>“Friends,” Cali whispers from her stigma, as she lets the freed bee land on her extended palm. Cali sprouts a small flower from the center of her palm, offering its nectar to the surely traumatized bumblebee.</p><p>BB tilts her head, unsure of this turn of events. Cali tries to reassure her by scritching between her ears. As it turns out, Bat-Beck is significantly easier to reassure with displays of affection than vampire Beck. Cali’s petals sway in the crisp afternoon breeze as more bees lazily swirl around her, pollinating or simply landing on her petals to rest for a moment.</p><p>The three of them, Cali, BB, and of course Fern, amble through the meadow in a state of contentment. Margarito and Owen are closer to home plate, taking turns to practice batting. Spotting her from across the diamond, Owen waves to Cali. She waves back, with BB looping around Cali’s head a few times in her own sort of greeting. Rather than heading over to the plates to talk to her teammates, Cali decides to take the presence of the meadow as a gift not to be squandered. Sitting down among a bloom of marigolds, Cali is resolved to relax among the ethereal perennials for as long as they persist in this plane of reality.</p><p>Much like her other form, however, BB doesn’t seem to be in much of a mood to meditate on the beauty before her. That’s alright, Cali thinks. While stopping to smell the roses, or marigolds in this case, is yet another thing she wishes she could teach Beck to appreciate, she has a plan to get BB to find her own zen. No matter what form she’s in, Beck is always one to recognize and appreciate the beauty in people more than that of the world around her. Cali reaches an arm up, pointing to the clear blue sky, and begins to shift the growth of her humanoid arm into a stem sturdy enough for BB to perch from in a way more comfortable for bats.</p><p>BB flits up from Cali’s shoulder to the new perch grown for her, hanging from it upside-down. Around the fuzzy little bat, pink buds grow, and then blossom. As the flowers bloom around BB in a glow of amaranth, she begins to flap her wings slightly and trill a series of gleeful chirps. Beck’s always appreciated the little “shows” that Cali is able to create for her. Even as a bat, she seems downright delighted.</p><p>Cali hopes being able to take their date to this meadow and find a place to repose with BB will be able to reach all of Beck. Beck feels as if she is the one who needs to protect Cali, protect everyone on the team. Take on so much responsibility for all the rest of them until she’s drowning in it. Cali doesn’t know how to tell her that she doesn’t need to do that, that she can’t do that. Hurting herself isn’t going to help the rest of the team. It isn’t going to protect Cali.</p><p>What Cali wants for Beck more than anything is for her to be able to fill the empty space that she covers over with tasks she doesn’t need to take on. For Beck to find the things that she can do to feel like herself. Find places where she’s comfortable. Cali hopes that one of those places for Beck is by her side. It’s certainly true for Cali that there’s no other place she’d rather be than by Beck’s.</p><p>Until she finds a way to say all that to Beck, Cali knows the best she can do is to always be with her. At least together they can find a place to be safe and happy. Watching BB start to snooze as the color of the sky dims, Cali knows that even through all the extra work and the dull ache of grief, Beck will be able to feel her by her side.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Everything will be alright, Beck tells herself. She wishes she could look into a mirror and fix herself up, just a touch. She just knows she looks like hell. Everything will be alright.</p><p>Taking a deep breath, and quickly running her hand through her hair without the guide of a mirror, Beck knows it's time to get going. She opens the window, and flies out over the diamond.</p><p>Cali is resting under a massive pine tree, a few stray needles caught in her petals. They dance slowly in her sleep. Beck smiles. Her girlfriend is so frickin’ adorable.</p><p>A small squeak alerts her to the presence of the bat she'd left with Cali earlier, hanging from a low branch. The bat swoops over Cali a few times, before flying towards Beck's messy hair, black fur vanishing into dark tresses. Strangely, when the bat returns to her, there's a sensation of warmth that washes over her. Everything will be alright. When she thinks it this time, it lands with more weight, carrying assurances from…</p><p>Beck's gaze is gossamer on Caligula. From her. Assurances from Cali that everything truly will be alright.The vampire's eyes begin to water. Her heart no longer beats, but she still feels it blazing with love.</p><p>Before emotion can overtake her, Beck kneels down and kisses one of Cali's petals to wake her up. She smiles as slowly and unevenly, Cali's eyes open up, blearly from sleep.</p><p>"C'mon sleepyhead, the memorial is about to start," Beck says. Cali stands up and shakes her petals to send the pine needles scattering. "Only you would take a nap in the middle of the field."</p><p>Cali signs back to Beck, "It wasn't a forest when I fell asleep."</p><p>Beck giggles and shrugs, "Well, that's the risk you take when you fall asleep in the middle of The Garden, I guess. You do know there's a bed in our room for a reason, right?"</p><p>Cali simply rolls her eyes at that. Beck laughs again, feeling lighter than she has the whole day. Taking Cali’s hand in her own, the two of them walk towards the portal to the bat forest.</p><p>The hallway that leads to the bat forest is dark. She can’t see beyond it, but she knows everyone is there already, waiting. Beck stops in her tracks. If she had breath to catch in her throat, it would. Cali doesn’t need to ask what’s wrong, but Beck says it anyway.</p><p>“I haven’t really talked to, well, everyone else, since it happened.” She turns to look directly into Cali’s many eyes. “What if they think it’s my fault?”</p><p>Cali gives Beck’s hand a gentle squeeze. But sometimes, she knows she has to say something, no matter how much it scares her. This time, she knows what to say. There’s one thing that Cali and Beck and all the rest of the Flowers understand.</p><p>“Family.” Cali doesn’t say more than just that one word, but the meaning is clear. Still, for a moment, Beck looks as if she has more to say. But she doesn’t. She looks down at her feet, and then, back up to Cali, a smile now on her face. She nods, and the two of them walk through the portal together.</p><p>Crossing the threshold, everyone is gathered round, waiting for them. Together, they all head into the heart of the forest, guided by the Moss Woman. Little is said until it’s time for Beck to give her eulogy. She spent most of the day writing it, trying to move past her own guilt and instead celebrate the life of a lost friend. Cali is besides her the whole time, still holding her hand.</p><p>Jacob speaks next, his eulogy including a comprehensive list of every single electrical problem in the stadium Matheo ever fixed. Owen talks about bonding with Matheo over discussions of types of light and the nature of energy. Dunn quietly places Matheo’s favorite coffee order next to the plot reserved for him. Chamber’s eulogy is long and winding, and there are several times everyone thinks it’s over before he starts back up again after having caught his breath. No one can quite tell what most of it has to do with Matheo, but there’s still not a dry eye to be seen in the whole group by the time he’s done. Morrow and Moses hang back, but Beck smiles seeing that they still came. She hopes they’ll both be part of this family, too. Zeb doesn’t give his own eulogy, but instead says that Vito would have wanted to be here, and relays a few words from him. King Weatherman grumbles that the next few days are gonna be bright and sunny, for Matheo. Castillo’s eulogy isn’t any surprise, but Beck’s eyes still tear up hearing the same sadness in Castillo’s voice when he says, “Life’s a garden. Dig it,” as when Isaac was incinerated. Nic simply says he heard the ump’s fire before it hit, and wishes he could stop it. Every time this happens is harder and harder for him, Beck thinks. Margo steps up to the plot, and for a moment Beck thinks xe won’t be able to speak, but through xir tears they recount all of Matheo’s best plays. The triples, home-runs. Every single time he won a game for them, all the while tears streaming down xir face.</p><p>Finally, after everyone who wants to has spoken, Gloria walks up to the plot, holding a floral lightbulb in xyr hands. Matheo’s favorite project. Beck always saw him heading back to work on it after games. He always struggled a little with art compared to the technical side of things, but as Beck admires the bulb that Gloria plants in Matheo’s plot, she sees that it is stunningly beautiful.</p><p>Gloria looks like xe's about to speak, but stops. Instead, xe signs to the rest of the group, “All of you took care of me, but especially Matheo. He was the one who planted me and started my life. Planting this at the end of his life, and the start of a new part of mine is…” A pause. “I want it to mean something. I hope I’ll be able to do him justice.”</p><p>How can I keep doing this, she thinks. Blaseball is Beck’s life. A blessing. But how can she keep playing when it also brings so much pain to the people she cares about, takes some of them out of her life altogether. Watching them die, never able to do anything to save them.</p><p>But then, she feels Cali still holding her hand. Cali, staying by her all day even when distance kept the two of them apart. She moves to rest her head on Cali’s shoulder, and a few of Cali’s petals curl to embrace her. Her eyes sweep over the rest of the team, and she knows she can be there for them, because Cali is there for her. Always by her side.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks to @beckFlowers for being a beta reader, and for the support of the entire flowers channel on the Blaseball Discord Server!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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